I’ve begun querying agents again (y’all, this is NOT fun). I have gotten a partial request, so at least something’s happening, but I am definitely in the early days. A few rejections, a lot of waiting.
I’ve written every day in January so far, and am trying to keep up that momentum. One of my February goals is finishing up the second Waiting Game book, so I’m doing bits and pieces on that for now.
I’m looking forward to a new month, and getting more exciting things done.
Last week was a rough one. Like much of the northeast, we got a bit of snow, which means my kids were home a lot more than usual, and I was home more than usual. Luckily, this week we are (hopefully!) back in our routine.
As far as my goals for the month….I’m done!
This is why I went with some small, easy goals this month, but here’s the final check in.
I’m excited to figure out my goals for next month.
I’m making steady progress on my January goals!
Hoping to keep up the momentum!
I’ve been writing the characters from The Waiting Game since 1996, when I first dreamed them up. Fourteen-year-old me wasn’t very good at it, of course, so the story has remained much the same, but every so often I age up the characters and retool the details. So for this #tbt, I’ve got a scene I wrote for the college-aged versions of the characters, when Alex and Kyle first discussed her relationship with Noel, and what that meant for their future.
Kyle dropped his voice. “Alex. Could I talk to you alone for a minute?”
“Absolutely.” I turned to David. “I’ll be right back.”
“Don’t leave me,” he said, but I was already walking away, following Kyle to his office.
“You seem well,” Kyle said, sitting on the edge of his desk.
“I am well, Kyle.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“Thanks.”
He paused, a slight frown creasing his brow. “I don’t know how to ask this.”
“Then you probably shouldn’t.”
“You’re still seeing that guy?”
“Well, the last time we talked, I wasn’t seeing him, so. Uh, yes, I’m seeing Noel now.”
“How’s that going?”
“Really well, thanks. I like him a lot, and he makes me happy. I’m trying to ignore things like that he’s graduating in May, but we’re working on figuring that out.”
“You seem much better than the last time I saw you.”
“I am.”
“I wasn’t expecting that.”
“It was bound to happen, Kyle.”
“I know.”
“Are you okay?”
“Probably. You’re not my girlfriend. You’re allowed to date whoever you want. You’re allowed to be happy.”
“I am.”
“I’m not saying that I was hoping you’d be sad forever. I’m glad to see you happy.”
“That’s good to know.”
“I had hoped that I’d—”
“We should head back to the party.”
“Saving me from myself?”
“Someone has to.”
“Thanks. How’s David?”
“He is really good as well. You should ask him. I always like seeing you two getting along.”
“I’m sorry we never have.”
“I know.”
“He and Noel get along okay?”
“They get along great, yeah.”
“Neither one is jealous of the other?”
“Well. David and I had a year when neither of us was seeing someone, and we didn’t go out then. I don’t think anyone’s worried that we’re going to go out now that we’re both in relationships.”
“David has a girlfriend?”
“I told you he was really good.”
“Good for him.”
“Everyone’s doing well, which is kind of shocking, I know.”
“Well. Not everyone.”
I cocked my head. “What’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“You had to know that this might happen, Kyle.”
“I’d always let myself believe that things would be okay with us again.”
“Things are okay with us. You mean that you expected to get back together.”
“Something like that, yes.”
“It’s a nice thought. Right now I’m seeing someone else.”
“I’ve heard.”
“You’d like Noel.”
“That’s wishful thinking.”
I shrugged. “Okay, evidence has shown that you don’t tend to like the other men in my life. I guess I should say that Noel would like you.”
“Well, what’s not to like about me?”
“It’s weird for me, talking to you like this, and for the first time that I can remember, I don’t feel like I used to.”
“That must be nice.”
“It was. Then I had to talk to you.”
“Well, at least you feel bad that you don’t love me anymore.”
“It’s for the best, Kyle.”
“I know.”
“Seriously, let’s go to this party. Tell me how work things are going. Ask David about his life.”
“I might just go home.”
“Don’t do that.” I took his hand, pulling him to his feet. “We’ve been friends before. We’re only doing that again.”
“It’s weird.”
“It will be for a little while, yeah.”
“Your boyfriend isn’t here, is he?”
“No, he went home for the holidays.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
“David’s still here.”
“It’s like you don’t want me to be happy.”
“I want nothing more than for you to be happy, Kyle.”
“Well. Don’t talk to me about your boyfriend anymore.”
“He still exists.”
“Oh, believe me, I know.”
“You did this, Kyle.”
“I know I did, thanks.”
“As long as we’re clear.”
“Crystal.”
“Are you angry at me?”
“No.”
“Then what is this, Kyle?”
“I didn’t do what I did because I loved you any less.”
“We aren’t having this conversation. You and I are done, Kyle.”
I turned my back on him and returned to the party. I’d been doing so well, and he had to ruin everything, as usual. I was okay with getting along with him. I was okay with interacting with him. I was not okay with having a discussion about the time he cheated on me. We weren’t going to have that conversation now, and probably not ever. I wasn’t going to allow myself to hear his excuses.
I wasn’t going to forgive him. Just because I wasn’t in love with him anymore didn’t mean that I was ready to forgive what he’d done.
My word for the year is progress. Progress with my writing. Progress in my home. Progress with myself. I’m hoping to do an update on my goals for the year every Monday.
January Goals:
Not too much! I’m starting small.
Jessica Rakus 