I received the best, kindest, most amazing rejection this week.

“Thank you for your query. I think there’s a place for this, but it hits a little too close to home for me.”

I cannot stop rereading this. It is, of course, kind of the point of Cycling – it’s supposed to hit close to home. And I 100% get this feeling – in the time since I wrote it, I’ve gone through some of the things the characters go through, and it has made it rough to go back to this piece.

And I need to hear that there’s a place for this book. I need to know that other people, people who know about these things, also see something here. It’s lifted me up a bit in the midst of continuing to wait for some good news.

Progress Report 2-12-18

Let’s check in on my goals for February:

  • Keep writing every day.

Yep, this is happening. I’m not writing as much as I would like, as far as actual words on virtual paper, but I have written something every day so far.

  • Work on querying.

This is also happening. And it continues to be…rough.

  • Read David Sedaris’s Theft by Finding.

Also happening! I’ve finished a couple years’ worth of entries. My favorite ones are the moments where he puts in current events info – “Gas costs $1/gallon almost everywhere now,” for instance, cracked me up. Not as funny was the mention of a school shooting. Who knew we had those in the ’70s?

  • Buy something for the house.

This I haven’t done yet. I’m still thinking about what we need at the moment.

Of course, the month is nearly half over, because February, but hopefully I’ll manage to make things happen.

The Waiting Game, Part 2

Part Two of The Waiting Game is coming together slowly but surely. The third book is done, because I thought it was the second book. As I started working on what is now Part 4, I realized that I missed this part of the story. I was to be in it, experience it, not just know it happened. So Part 2 is on going.

And here’s the first chapter! It contains some spoilers for Part 1, obviously, so do with that what you will.


Chapter One


“I’m still not sure about this.”

Alex shrugged. “If this is some sort of ruse, it’s far more elaborate than it needs to be.”

“Are you ready to spend the day with Kyle?”

“I can’t imagine I’m really going to be spending that much time with him. I’ll be at work, after all.”

“I thought the whole point of us coming to work for him was for him to spend time with you.”

She sighed. “I thought the point was to do me a favor.”

“I don’t understand why you had to drag me into this. The idea of working for my mortal enemy is unpleasant, at best. And that’s assuming he didn’t trick me into quitting my job so that he could fire me and leave me jobless.”

“Kyle isn’t a criminal mastermind or something, David.”

“Remains to be seen.”

Together, we approached the security desk in the lobby of the building where we now worked. Again, I wished I’d done more to ensure that I’d be able to go back to my old job if this was all a hoax. In what world did someone who’d hated me for nearly a decade offer me triple my salary to do half the work I’d been doing? I mean, obviously he only offered that because he’d do anything to get Alex to come work for him, clearly the first step in his plan to reconcile with her. What happened when she said no? What happened when he realized that there was nothing he could do to fix their past? Was he going to fire me then?

I shouldn’t have agreed to this.

“Ms. Marsalis!” the security guard said warmly, and she and I were both shocked that someone here recognized her. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks,” she replied with a tight smile. “It’s nice to be back. It’s been a long time.”

It had to have been two years at least since she’d been inside her ex-fiancé’s company, although I was surprised she’d been here enough for people to recognize her even if it hadn’t been that long.

“And your guest?”

“Oh,” I said. “David Yearly. I work here now.” I hope.

He consulted a clipboard in front of him. “Yep, I see that here. Welcome to LinkCorp.”

“Thrilled to be here,” I replied, obviously sarcastic.

Alex shot me a look before turning back to the guard. “I assume it’s okay for us to head up?”

“Absolutely. Have a great day.”

We stepped into the elevator, and Alex sighed, so deep and loud that I jumped.

“Last chance to back out,” she said.

“Why are we doing this?” I asked, not for the first time.

Ever since Kyle had offered us these jobs, she and I had gone back and forth, even after signing contracts two weeks earlier. There was no arguing with the fact that this was an amazing opportunity. Kyle’s company was, after all, one of the biggest and best in the country. But given their history, what he’d done to her, and given how he’d treated me since we’d met, all because he couldn’t believe that I could be friends with his girlfriend without trying to sleep with her, I didn’t put much faith in how this was going to go. I didn’t see myself being able to work amicably with Kyle, and I didn’t see a scenario where he and Alex could work together either.

“It’s an amazing opportunity,” Alex replied, our rote answer. “And because I believe that Kyle is trying to do something nice for two people he’s hurt a lot.”

“I want it noted that Kyle has never hurt me with his behavior.”

“Fine, noted,” she replied.

The elevator doors slid open on the twelfth floor, where Kyle stood waiting to greet us.

“You guys actually came!” he said, seemingly genuinely surprised.

“Well, we signed those contracts,” I replied.

“That you did.” He grinned, definitely at Alex. “It’s nice to see you guys again.”

I wanted to say something back to him, probably something about how he was only glad to see Alex, and couldn’t care less about seeing me. I’d promised her I’d be nice, playing along with the farce that was me and Kyle being friends. He’d never been nice to me, not since we’d met during my freshman year of college, when I’d become friends with Alex, and he’d been every bit the stereotypical jealous boyfriend. I’d never laid a hand on her, didn’t want to, not even now that we’d been roommates for two years.

Of course, they weren’t dating now, not since she’d caught him in bed with a waitress. Hell, she’d had another engagement fall apart since then. The last two years had not been kind to Alex, and coming to work for Kyle didn’t seem like much of an improvement.

“Why don’t I walk you guys to HR?” Kyle said. “You can do your paperwork, and when you’re done there, I’ll walk you to your departments and introduce you to people.”

We followed him down the hallway, exchanging a quick, anxious glance. He certainly seemed like he was looking forward to working with at least one of us.

“How are you doing?” Kyle asked, his eyes on Alex.

“I’m fine. Like I said, I was in a bad place the other day,” she replied. “I’m honestly doing very well.”

“I’m so glad to hear it. You definitely had me worried. Yearly.”

I cringed. “What?”

“You’re going to have to stop wincing when I say your name.”

“You’re going to have to start calling me David.”

“I…will work on it.”

“I bet you will.”

“How are you?”

“I am great,” I replied.

He looked to Alex, and she laughed. “David’s fine.”

“How’s Deane?”

“Deane is well,” I answered grudgingly.

It was, of course, the greatest joke the universe had ever played on me, that my girlfriend was Kyle’s closest friend. My kneejerk reaction was to claim ownership, that I’d known her first, but the timeline was sketchy at best, and I didn’t want to be the same kind of guy Kyle had always been. He asked me about her to needle me, because of course he already knew how she was. They lived next door to each other. He saw her more than I did.

“I haven’t seen you around the house lately,” Kyle continued, and I clenched my jaw.

“Are you watching for me?” I asked.

“No, of course not.”

“The dark room that you hide in at home to code and ignore people? Does that have a window that looks out at Deane’s house?”

“It does not.” Kyle laughed. “It’s going to be fun to work with you.”

“Oh, yeah, fun all day long.”

Alex snickered, and I glared at her. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It makes me so happy to see you guys talking to each other.”

“We’ve always talked to each other.”

“It’s been a long time, that’s all.”

It certainly had. They’d gone a year and a half without seeing each other after his fling with the waitress that broke off their engagement. Of course, he and I had seen each other a handful of times, because I spent a decent amount of time at the house next to his. The year and half away from each other had been so good for her. She’d gone back to school, and met a guy who…also turned out to be an asshole, so that might not have been that good. But that relationship had been good until it wasn’t, and she’d been so happy. And she was better now than she’d been immediately follow either breakup, though she’d been at a particularly low point when Kyle had tricked her into agreeing to this. How he always managed to turn up in her life when she was at her worst boggled the mind.

Kyle opened a glass door and ushered us into a sea of cubicles.

“Cathy, I’ve got the new hires for you.”

The woman who emerged from the office against the back wall was middle aged, and I wondered if she hated working for someone so much younger than her. Some of these people had been working for Kyle since he was a teenager, and that must have been a mindfuck.

“I’ll retrieve you guys in a bit,” Kyle said. “And honestly, it was really nice to see you both.”

Progress Report 2-5-18

It’s February! Holy cats, it already feels like the year is flying by.

Here are my February goals:

  • Keep writing every day. I’m tracking my actual word count this month. I’ve already had some days where I get a lot done, and days where I stare blankly at my screen for a while.
  • Work on querying. I’m sending a handful of queries each week. I’ve gotten one partial request, and a handful of rejections, so it’s happening!
  • Read a book! I’ve picked David Sedaris’s Theft by Finding, and I need to get around to putting it in my bag so that I have it with me when I have time to read.
  • House purchase. Gotta keep up the momentum on getting my house together.

I’m excited to keep going this month.

Off -Camera

One of my favorite things to do when I’m a bit stuck in a piece is to write a scene that takes place off-camera, usually because my narrator isn’t there. Back when I first started writing (when I was thirteen!), I had rotating narrators in most of my pieces. It let me tell every part of the story every time. Now that I’m settling into writing one narrator per piece (first person narration, for what it’s worth), I find that I miss some of the stories that don’t get told.

Here’s a little bit of a scene from one of the Waiting Game books. David and Deane, just spending some time together. Which won’t show up in the book, because it isn’t the one he narrates.


“I’m sorry.”

Deane paused. “I know you are, David. It’s alright.”

“It’s not. I was being cruel. I was lashing out at you so that I’m not the only one hurting.”

“I know.”

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

“I wish you’d come back.”

“So you can talk to me like that more often?”

“So we can be together like we’re supposed to be.”

“We can’t do that.”

“I know.” We stared at each other, and it was all I could do not to wrap her in my arms. “Where are you staying?”


“What room, I mean.”

“Oh. The blue one up on the third floor.”

“Are you okay being up there by yourself? The rest of us are on the second floor.”

“There’s no room for me on the second floor. I’ll be fine.”

“Stay with me.”

She paused. “I…don’t know.”

“I know what this is, Deane. I know what happens in a few days when it’s time for you to go home. Stay with me.”

“I wish things were different, David.”

“Maybe someday.” She turned toward the stairs. “Is that a no?” I asked.

“I need my things.”

“I already brought them down.”

She turned back to me. “Optimistic, are we?”

“Hopelessly so, yes.”

Now I did pull her against me, and she fit in the way she had so many times before. I soaked up the feel of her, the smell, all the things I wouldn’t be able to have in a few more days.

“I love you,” Deane said softly.

“I love you too. Every day, no matter what I say to you,” I replied.

“I wish I could be better for you.”

“Ditto. And you continue to be perfect for me.”

“Whenever I have a string of good days, I start thinking that I can come back. And once I start believing that, the good days stop.”

I rubbed her arms, wishing I could do more to comfort her. “I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I’m so awful to you.”

“You aren’t awful. You’re doing exactly what we both need you to do.”

“I don’t think it’s helping.”

“No, not really.” She pulled back and took my hand. “Show me your room.”


The Waiting Game, Part 1

I’ve decided to post the first chapter of each of the four Waiting Game books this month, one per week. So here’s Chapter One of Book One.

Chapter One

I heaved a sigh as I dropped my bags on the living room floor. It had been a long day of cross-country travel. After I got fed up with visiting my mom and stepdad in San Francisco, I’d finagled an earlier flight, ready to get away from the familial infighting. I was glad to be back in Washington, D.C., ready to get back to my normal life. It had been the kind of family time that left someone glad to return to work.

My fiancé too, I was glad to return to him. It wasn’t often that Kyle Spencer and I spent more than a day apart, let alone nearly a week. And I had just enough time to shower and change before he’d be home from work.

I kicked my shoes off in the hall. As I pushed open the bedroom door, I pulled my sweatshirt over my head. My head popped free with a jerk, I was left staring at my bed, the bed I shared with the man I was going to marry.

And the bare back of a slim woman with cascading brown curls as she bounced up and down. She let out a moan as she moved, and I wrenched my shirt back over my head, preparing for the battle I knew was coming.

I could hear Kyle now, the familiar noises that he’d made so many times with me. I still couldn’t see him, trapped, as he was, under the bouncing brunette. I was shaking, stunned, and I couldn’t even think of what to do with myself. I stood, listening to them, watching the girl writhe on top of my fiancé. My mouth hung open, and tears streamed down my cheeks.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned to go back to the living room, either to wait them out or to figure out somewhere else to go.

I shook my head, and turned back to the bed.

“Excuse me.”

They both gasped, and the brunette gathered the blankets around her as she slid from on top of my fiancé. Kyle jerked upright, his green eyes wide at the sight of me, his blonde hair disheveled, his face and chest flushed.

“Alex. You’re home early.”

His voice was calm, even. As if he hadn’t just ruined my life.

“I am,” I replied, trying to also keep my voice calm. I didn’t want to come off like the crazy girlfriend.

“I can explain.”

“I don’t think you can.”

“I should go,” the brunette said.

“No, you’re welcome to stay,” I replied. “I’m going to go.”

“Can we talk?” Kyle asked.

“Are you serious?”


“No, you asshole, we can’t talk. I need to leave, before I murder you and your whore.”

“Right. Okay. Another time.”

“You think I’m joking.”

“Not exactly, no. I’m hoping I can calm you down before anyone gets hurt.”

I’m hurt, Kyle.” I held his gaze, then shook my head slowly. “I’m going.”

I was gathering up my bags in the hall when I realized I was still wearing the massive lie of a diamond ring that he’d given me. Well, that wasn’t coming with me.

I went into the bedroom, where Kyle and his girl were hastily dressing, not looking at or talking to each other.

“This is yours,” I said, heaving the ring at him. It hit his bare chest, and he winced, whether from pain or the gesture itself I didn’t care. Kyle and I locked eyes as the sound of the ring bouncing on the hardwood floor filled the room. Such a small sound that meant so much. Once the ring stopped moving, the silence became too much, and I turned on my heel.

All right. I’m out of here.


“He was in bed with some bimbo,” I sobbed as my best friend handed me a box of tissues.

“Are you sure she was a bimbo?”


“I’m trying to cheer you up,” he replied. “Go on.”

“I’m not sure there’s any more to the story.”

“What about the part where you murder them both, and then come to me for help hiding the bodies?”

“That didn’t happen.”

“Why not?”

“We were supposed to get married,” I wailed, tears streaming down my face. “How could he do this to me?”

“Did you ask him?”

“How was I supposed to talk to him? He was in bed with–”

“Some bimbo, right.”

“Can I stay here?”


I’d immediately done what anyone would do in a crisis: run to my best friend’s house to cry on his shoulder. After much crying, I’d realized that I was in a tricky situation. I couldn’t go home again. Kyle and I had been living together for over a year. I couldn’t go back to that house now, not after seeing him with, you know, some bimbo. I needed a place to stay. And getting my ducks in a row to make that happen was going to take some time.

“Just while I figure out where to go,” I said, pleading with my already red and teary eyes. “I can’t go back to Kyle. I don’t have anywhere else to go. Please, David.”

“Like for a few weeks, or like forever?”



“Ugh, fine, for a few weeks. I’ll start looking for a new place tomorrow, I swear it.”

“Weird how I don’t think that’s true.”

“So you want me to go back to living with Kyle?”

“Jesus, no. But you can’t live here forever.”

“Afraid I’ll cramp your style?”

“What little style I have, yes.”

I put my head in my hands and began crying anew. How could this have happened? What had I done wrong that Kyle had done this to me?

“Of course you can stay here,” David said. “As long as you need, but do not take advantage of me on that.”

“What am I supposed to do now?”

“I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out.”

“Promise me that you’re not dying to say you told me so.”

David laughed. “A little bit, yeah. You know I’ve never liked Kyle.”

Kyle and I started dating in high school, so we’d already been together for three years by the time I met David Yearly when we were in college. David and I hit it off immediately – but only as friends! Because I was already in a relationship, it had never occurred to me to think of him as anything else. Kyle had never seen it that way, though, and the two of them had bickered back and forth for years now.

They were such opposites, David and Kyle. Kyle was blonde and excessively tall, and smarter than average. David was…kind of nerdy. He had dark hair and glasses, and couldn’t seem to talk to girls without embarrassing himself. It was endearing, but it didn’t exactly set my loins on fire. And for some reason, I could never convince Kyle of that.

Kyle always seemed to find a way to throw backhanded comments David’s way, and it hadn’t exactly made him likeable. But I’d always made excuses for Kyle. Of course he didn’t like that I spent a lot of time with another guy! It made sense, even if nothing was ever going to happen with David. Now I was seeing that perhaps Kyle wasn’t the person I thought he was. I should have turned on him years ago.

Of course, it wasn’t the same. Being territorial wasn’t cheating on the person you were supposed to marry.

“I never liked him,” David repeated. “But I also never thought he’d do something like this. I’m as shocked as you are.”

“That’s impossible. You didn’t have to see them.”

“Why didn’t you tell him that you were coming home early?”

“Because surprises are supposed to be fun, David. And might I add, way to blame the victim.”

“I think we’d all like to spare you having to see that. I’m sure it only makes this whole thing worse.”

It certainly did. If I closed my eyes, I saw them together. I could hear their moans ringing in my ears still. Oh, God, I was going to be sick.

I bolted down the hall, stumbling for the bathroom, willing myself not to puke on my best friend’s floor. He was going above and beyond right now, and I owed him that much.

David followed me at a slower pace, and as I knelt beside the toilet, he knelt beside me, gathering my hair back in classic best friend mode. Tears streamed down my face as I puked, and I felt like I couldn’t control anything that was happening with my body. I’d lost control of my life, and now I’d lost control of my body.

This was shaping up to be a great day.